Friday. The day coveted by most as it usually marks the end of the work week and the passage to the weekend. This Friday was the day we had our scheduled adoption consultation with Lifetime Adoption. With Friday being my day off I spent most of the day tending to housework while Adam worked from home. As 4pm rolled around, work was halted as we got the phone call from our consultant.
The consultation went well overall. The first part of the conversation was questions about the type of child we desired: age, race even number (twins or siblings). We had answers for these since Adam and I had discussed ahead of time. After that our consultant moved onto questions that, I will admit, neither Adam or I were fully prepared for.
“What amount of prenatal substance abuse and exposure do you find acceptable to still consider a child for adoption?”
It was hard. They went drug by drug: alcohol, tobacco, cocaine, marijuana, heroine and with each; Adam and I exchanged looks as we struggled to not feel like horrible people for wanting a good mother with a healthy child. Each drug had a series of follow up quantifying questions. Alcohol? Occasional like a glass of wine? What about if the mother used but stopped when she found out she was pregnant? What about in the first trimester? What about the last? The answers should have been easy but we found them challenging. Another set of difficult questions was about health and acceptable known illness. Mothers with bi-polar or schizophrenia disorder and those with physical or other mental illness. Mothers with family history of a genetic disorder such as Down Syndrome or Cystic Fibrosis. What about HIV? It seemed like the questions would never end but they did. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad that they asked all these questions to do a thorough intake. I know they want to match us with the best possible child for us, but it was a lot to think about mainly because we hadn’t discussed many of these questions before the phone consult.
After getting through the tough stuff we moved on less challenging but also, a very much, overwhelming amount of information. Average wait time, cost of their various programs (gold, silver, bronze levels), next steps and home study process, lawyers and legal fees, profile books, and publicity…it was all very informative but a lot to take in. We were surprised to learn that their programs show our profile book to expectant moms but didn’t include several additional fees. Things like legal fees (lawyer often is hired from the expectant mom’s state or residence), home study, and some medical expenses were in addition to the cost of the program.
With our consultant finished talking she asked if we had any questions. Adam and I had made a list of several, or I should say over two dozen, questions we had made prior to the conversation. We took turns asking as our consultant was patient to answer each of them. In the end she stated how there was room for Lifetime to take us on as a waiting family (they only take so many at a time to ensure ratio of expectant moms to waiting families). Our spot would be held for 30 days but in order to move forward we needed either a downpayment of $7500 (with remaining balance due within 6 months) or the lump sum of $19,000.
Numbers are hard. It’s not about the money, it really isn’t but since neither amount is presently an option for us we will need to postpone the process until we can secure the funds. We knew even before the phone consult, we wouldn’t be moving forward in adoption right this second, but at least now we know the definite numbers and how we can work to achieve our goals of starting our family.
Later in the evening, just before bed, Adam and I climbed into bed and pulled out our nightly devotion book as we’ve done so many nights before. The devotion for that day, Friday’s date (Feb. 12), was titled “No Price Too High”. It was in regards to the prodigal son and how for us as children of God no price is too high for Him to reach us. I know the devotion wasn’t meant to talk about money or adoption but Adam and I were humbled and sat back in our dimly lit bedroom as we talked about the irony of that evening’s devotion.
It was the comfort and assurance we both needed and felt the peace from God to know we are headed in the right direction. No price is to high for God to reach us. I cannot imagine what God must think and feel as He looks from heaven on His children. Those who have strayed, those who struggle, and how He loves us even when we disappoint. The length that God went to send His Son is something I cannot fathom but even that price was not too much.
This journey to adoption, to finding our miracle, the emotional and monetary price doesn’t even compare to God in His sacrifice of love through His Son.
At least I shouldn’t have to wait 40 years… is the thought…14 February 2016
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